Dear Reader,
I was really hoping for a new response to my slew of letters (83 out the door so far), but the postal gods have not seen fit to grace me with any (yet). I hope soon. Until then, enjoy one of my favorite replies and one of the letters I recently sent. I’m also including an old unanswered letter for kicks.
Chipotle Mexican Grill
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 27, 2013
Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc.
1401 Wynkoop St., Ste. 500
Denver, CO 80202
Dear Chipotle Mexican Grill,
I’ve never eaten in one of your stores, but then I’ve never really had a reason to until recently! Yesterday I heard tell of a thing called a “quesarito” and this gave me pause. It was describes as a quesadilla wrapped around a burrito. Two layers of tortillas with cheese between them surrounding the contents of a burrito! It would take unicorn meat to make this thing sound any more perfect. (I am salivating as I write this!)
I am normally quite a skeptic. I don’t believe anything I can’t verify on the internet, and surprisingly, the internet says this is true! (I haven’t checked snopes yet though.) So I feel a bit silly even asking about the quesarito, but I have to know how one goes about ordering this thing. Is there a secret handshake (and if there is will the employee wash his hands after)? How much can I be expected to pay?
Unfortunately, the internet says there is no such thing as unicorn meat, so I suppose I will get chicken, but with enough cheese I think I can get by! Just let me know how to go about ordering this bad boy!
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
CHIPOTLE
MEXICAN GRILL
CHIPOTLE MEXICAN GRILL, INC.
1401 WYNKOOP STREET, SUITE 500
DENVER, CO 80202
MAIN 303.595.4000
WEB chipolte.com
April 7, 2013
Dear Christopher,
Thanks for writing in. My name is Nathan and I work with our Customer Service team in the corporate office. I can say that here at Chipotle we strictly prohibit the killing and/or use of Unicorn meat in any of our food. With this being said, the Quesoritto is a real thing that has caught a fire as of recently. Though you may not find it on our menu, you may order by first singing the Quesoritto song, followed by the Quesoritto dance. Or, you can always just ask for it and our team members should know how to make it. If they are confused, walk them through it and I promise they will help you get that magical burrito just as you want it. Depending on how you order it, the charge my vary. if you use only a single tortilla (i.e. cheese melted on the inside of your burrito) the charge is the same as a burrito. If you choose to use two tortillas, expect to pay for both the quesadilla and the burrito.
Best of luck on your quest for the Quesoritto. We wish you all the best in your wonderful journey.
Sincerely,
Nathan [Redacted On Request]
Customer Service
Chipotle Mexican Grill
P.S. Please don’t eat Unicorn meat. That’s not cool.
Crocs Retail, LLC.
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 14, 2022
Crocs Retail, LLC.
13601 Via Varra
Broomfield, CO 80020
Dear Crocs,
I don't get where people say Crocs are ugly. I don't think so at all. Now UGGs on the other hand are some UGGly footwear. I happen to like how crocs look though. They are stylish, comfortable, easy to clean, and affordable. What's not to like? So why do people insist on saying crocs are unattractive, or worse, call them "gardening shoes."
I like my Crocs and I refuse to feel guilty about it. I like that they just slip-on and I can head out the door like a man on the go. Admittedly, I've reached an age where I don't much care how I look, so I might not be the best judge, but from where I am standing, Crocs are cool. They for sure are fun. People just don't know what they are missing and people are mean.
What do I care what the kids say?
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Hopefully the above will get a reply, but if not, then maybe one of the many others I’ve sent. I can’t wait for them to start coming in!
And to close things up, here’s an old unanswered letter. No, I didn’t expect a reply, but it was still fun to write!
Archived Unanswered Letter
Dr. Phil Show
5482 Wilshire Boulevard #1902
Los Angeles, CA 90036
April 17, 2008
I think you are a talentless hack. Surprisingly this is working out quite well for me, but I was still hoping you could send me an autographed photo or some other show souvenir. I would like something for my collection of items from failed talk show hosts.
Thanks,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
If you had fun with this newsletter why not share it? Send it on to a friend or post a link to the social media of your choice. Help me build an audience.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
p.s. If you mash that reply button I’ll get an email. I like hearing from my readers. Give it a try.