Dear Readers and Listeners,
This edition brings you five more loser letters. Letters I’ve given up on getting replies to, so it’s only fair that I now share them.
Vans Shoes
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 8, 2022
Vans, Inc.
1588 South Coast Drive
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
Dear Vans Shoes,
When I was in grade school many decades ago all the cool kids wore Vans. I wasn't a cool kid then, but now I can afford them. I'm lazy, so I prefer the slip-ons. I wear them nearly every day if I am wearing shorts. I now feel like I am old school cool. A Venn diagram of quality, comfort, and price has Vans right in the center. I love 'em. They look good, they feel good, and the price is affordable.
I do have to say that I feel a little silly being a 50 year old running around in a pair of Vans. I feel like I am trying to recapture my youth, even though when I was a kid I was never allowed to have Vans. We always had the knockoff brands, but now I can afford the $70 without too much thought.
My dream is to own a pair of paisley Vans. They say if you're going to dream, you should dream big!
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Crav’n Fudge Covered Cookies
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 9, 2022
Topco Associates, LLC
150 Northwest Point Blvd.
Elk Grove Village, IL 60007
Dear Crav’n Fudge Covered Cookies,
The other day I got a box of Crav'n Flavor Fudge Covered Cookies Filled With Peanut Butter Spread and there was only fifteen cookies in the package. There was a slot for the cookie, but no cookie. I was all ready to blame President Biden and shrinkflation, but then when I got to the second package a few minutes later there were eighteen cookies. I think someone at the plant must have miscounted or maybe was hungry.
Not to be a pest or anything, but I think that's three cookies you owe me. I love your cookies and I want to eat them all.
I don't want to get anyone in trouble or anything, but maybe you could say something to the guy who loads the cookies into the tray so this doesn't happen again. I have enough disappointment in my life without being shorted cookies.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
HuHot Mongolian Grill
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 11, 2022
HuHot Mongolian Grills, LLC
Corporate Headquarters
223 East Main Street
Missoula, MT 59802
Dear HuHot Mongolian Grill,
I love eating at HuHot Mongolian Grill. You can quote me on that! Picking out a bowl of meat, vegetables, and noodles, then covering this mess with multiple scoops of various sauces, only then to watch someone cook it up on a giant meal grill and plate it for yo, is an awesome way to spend a meal.
Food that is spicy and full of flavor is my favorite, so I usually do a couple of scoops of the red chili oil (making sure to scrape the bottom to really get at the peppers), garlic (again, scraping the bits from the bottom), and then several of Kan's Revenge (KHAN!). I get chicken or seafood generally and like when you rotate in calamari. I try to be healthful with my vegetable choices and am grateful for all the green stuff I get to choose from.
I usually just stick with the Chinese noodles, but sometimes I shake things up by trying one of the other kinds (I don't know what they are called). Anyway, I love the infinite combinations one can choose and I never get tired of HuHot. This is my only complaint! I eat too much when I am there. Yum!
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
p.s. I am a member of your HuHot Rewards. I have a birthday meal coming up soon.
Scooter’s Coffee
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 11, 2022
Scooter’s Coffee
10500 Sapp Brothers Dr
Omaha, NE, 68138-3884
Dear Scooter’s Coffee,
Thanks for coming to Ames, IA. The one thing this town needed more than anything was another coffee choice. I love not really having to deal with people before I've had my first cup of coffee. I can driver through and get a hot beverage and a pastry and then head into work. Stopping at Scooter's never makes me that late, and I am more productive when I am awake and alert like I am after I get some coffee in me.
The staff is always so chipper and polite and I bet that's because they are caffeinated to the gills! I know I would be if I worked in a coffeeshop. Sadly, I've reached that age where a second cup of coffee throws off my afternoon nap, so I am limited to the one cup in the morning. I usually just get a black coffee with me cream or sugar. I don't want my coffee tasting like candy.
My only complaint is the line of cars. Some days it seems to go on forever and move slower than a funeral procession, but I know they are dealing with the orders as quickly and efficiently as they can. I'm a fairly patient man as well, so this doesn't bother me too much unless it's NPR pledge drive week. Then it drives me crazy.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
The Big Moo Cheese
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 25, 2022
Cheeses of Wisconsin, LLC
PO Box 233
Cottage Grove, WI 53527
Dear The Big Moo Cheese,
I don't know anyone that doesn't like cheese. I know some people that are lactose intolerant, so they can't eat cheese, but even they still like it and miss cheese in their diet. I love cheese, but I'm always on the lookout to make things better. Seems to me you hit on a great idea. Sear cheese that you can just heat up in a skillet or grill. I don't grill out, so I would have to use the skillet method.
I thought I'd like to try what you're selling, but then I saw the prices. I realize there is runaway inflation going on right now, but $13 for a block of cheese is a bit much. Especially, since I'd be the only one eating it, and you have to order at least three! It's not like I put on dinner parties or anything. I thought of biting the bullet and ordering Roasted Garlic Baked Cheese, Oh-So Original Baked Cheese, and Hoppin' Jalapeno Baked Cheese, but what if I don't like one? I wish I could just buy this at my local grocery store, then I could try one and if I don't like it, I am out $13, not $36. Maybe you guys should consider a single sampler pack that puts all your flavors in one block?
I'll probably still order some once I decide what I want to try. I don't eat bacon, so your Bakin' Bacon Baked Cheese is out, and the pizza one sounds good, but if I want pizza cheese I'll just order a pizza.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Sorry for the irregular updates. I’ve been busy and this gig doesn’t exactly pay. Hopefully I’ll pick this back up after the holidays. See you around.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen