Dear Reader,
Jackass Letters is one man’s epistolary exploration of the world he lives in. Did you know you can support this newsletter by sending me a little cash through Venmo, PayPal, cash.app, buymeacoffee.com, or ko-fi? Every dime gets sunk right back into the newsletter and site. Thanks for considering a donation. I need more postage.
Charmin
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
May 5, 2008
Charmin
c/o Procter & Gamble
1 Procter & Gamble Plaza
Cincinnati, OH 45202
Dear Charmin,
Now that Mr. Whipple is dead, is it OK to squeeze the Charmin, or is this behavior we should still avoid?
Thanks,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
P&G
The Procter & Gamble
Distributing LLC
PO Box 559
Cincinnati, OH 45201
www.pg.com
Ref: 5729925
5/20/2008
Dear Mr. Jorgensen,
Thanks for sharing your interest in Mr. Whipple. Here are some interesting facts:
Dick Wilson did commercials for Charmin for many years as George Whipple. His tag line was … ‘Please don’t squeeze the Charmin’. He passed away November 19, 2007 at the age of 91. Mr. Wilson made more than 500 commercials as Mr. Whipple. He retired in 1985 but P&G brought him back for an encore commercial in 1999. The single ad showed Wilson ‘coming out of retirement’ against the advice of his golfing and poker buddies for one more chance to sell a new Charmin. Thanks for getting in touch with us.
Sincerely,
Carole
P&G Consumer Relations
Consumer Care Site C
Funny story about this next letter to the CBLDF. I ended up sending cash even though I said I was sending a check. I had $40 before I sent the letter, and nothing after, so I either included $40 by accident or I just lost a $20 somewhere. Anyway, I kind of hope someone at the CBLDF did just pocket the extra $20. Ok, maybe that’s not funny.
I am disappointed they only responded with a receipt for my donation. I hate when charities do that. Ergh.
Comic Book Legal Defense Fund
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
July 11, 2022
Comic Book Legal Defense Fund
15110 Boones Ferry Road, Suite 220
Lake Oswego, OR 97035
Dear Comic Book Legal Defense Fund,
I want to support your mission, so I am including a check for $20. I was going to send cash, but I was always told never to send cash through the mail. Besides, you never know if you can trust the person opening up the mail. Not that you would pocket it or anything.
Nothing makes me madder than politicians, and misguided parents, trying to remove a graphic novel from the library (not even Senator Ted Cruz fighting with a muppet!). I hate when they go after the classics like Maus (which won the damn pulitzer!) or when they go after a book because it might have a little nudity or even sex and sexuality. Kids these days are getting up to all kinds of things, so these depictions are nothing new to them.
What infuriates me the most though is when they go after a person for having something in their comic book collection. A guy in Iowa did six months in prison over some Manga. Hard time for damn drawings. Ridiculous.
Keep fighting the good fight, and put the money to good use.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
CBLDF
Sales Receipt
15110 Boones Ferry Road, Suite 220
Lake Oswego, OR 97035
971-266-8212
info@cbldf.org
www.cbldf.org
SALES #9353
DATE 07/11/2022
DATE DESCRIPTION 07/19/2022 Donation to the CBLDF
Thank you so much for your support! We really appreciate your donation and your support of our cause.
No goods or services were provided in exchange for this donation, it is fully tax deductible as allowed by law.
Recent Letter: Blue Diamond Almonds
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
August 5, 2022
Consumer Advocacy Team
Blue Diamond Growers
1802 C Street
Sacramento, CA 95811
Dear Blue Diamond Almonds,
I like nuts in general and almonds in particular. Almonds are my second favorite nut right after cashews. I also like super spicy foods, so imagine my delight when I saw you make “extremes” almonds with cayenne and ghost pepper and especially Carolina reaper. Now, imagine my disappointment when I can't find them anywhere. I had to resort to ordering them online.
Now I am afraid. What if they are actually too hot for me? I know I'll only be out a few bucks, but still. I don't want to be beaten by my food! I guess I'll know when they get here. I just want to sweat a little and regret my choice for a few minutes, not suffer for a long time.
One thing I noticed is that Walmart seems to be price gouging your product. They are charging twice as much as Target or Amazon. That's seems like they are taking advantage of rampant inflation to charge more for food and that seems downright immoral if you ask me.
I'll let you know what I think of them. I ordered the reapers.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen
Next Wednesday on Jackass Letters
As always, share, like, subscribe if you haven’t already. Hit reply and let me know your thoughts. I seek the dopamine hit of external validation.
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Send me mail:
Christopher L. Jorgensen
PO Box 546
Ames, IA 50010
Let’s make the Jackass Letters newsletter a two way street! I want to hear from you.
Sincerely,
Christopher L. Jorgensen